Week 9: A first look at my News Story Recording
The following link is a recording of my News Story
Recording, https://soundcloud.com/beck_anne-user-606680066/news-story-recording-a-first (SoundCloud, 2016).
Below is a written copy of the recording.
News Story
News Speaker: Good
Morning and welcome to Gympie’s local and latest News stories. I’m Mary Smith. Newly
elected media adviser, Miss Rebecca Wade has just delivered her first Maiden
Speech in parliament today. I’m now here with her, at her local town hall where
she is now delivering a public speech that reinforces her key electoral issues.
Media Adviser, Rebecca
Wade: Gympie has been a town that has not only been home to me, but has been
a home ground for my parents, grandparents and great grandparents. I’m sure
that this may be the case for many of the audience members that stand before me
today. As a town we have survived a great deal, including, devastating floods
that have wiped out our homes, business and community parks. But we did not let the floods destroy us! As a
community we re-built our homes, re-furnished our business and re-planted our
parks.
News Speaker: Media
adviser Rebecca Wade’s motivational speech touched the hearts of many local
members and citizens of the Gympie region. Although she did not stop there,
saving the best part of her speech until last, as she unveiled first draft plans
of the new and improved model of Gympie’s local street.
Rebecca Wade: As
a town I believed we have endured enough sacrifice and that is why I am able to
stand in front of you today and reveal the last plans of a new, improved and flood
free business plan for Mary Street. I give you Mary Street .02.
News Reporter: As
you can see behind me the citizens of Gympie are all showing their support to
Media Adviser Rebeca Wade as she opens the stand to questions and enquires to
anyone who may have one after the big reveal.
Local Member of
Gympie: TO BE CONTINUED…..
Reflection of News Story Recording
After writing and recording a first look at my News Story
there are many factors that I have already noticed that I need to improve on. These
factors include:
o
I NEED TO SLOW MY VOICE DOWN! I have a bad habit
of talking way to fast and in order to make my News Story the best it can be, I
need to slow down my talking.
o
I would like to look into changing my voice to
represent the different people talking in my News Story. For example at the
moment I have a News Reporter talking and then I have myself talking. I believe
that it would be a good touch to alter my voice tone when talking as the News
Reporter to show the different people talking (Or possible getting someone else
to talk the part of the News Reporter).
o
In order to make this recording the best it can
be, I think that need to add some visual aspects into it.
By making these small and needed changes I believe that this
News Story would be better executed and delivered.
Reference List: (Week 9)
SoundCloud. (2016). News Story Recording: A First Look. Available: https://soundcloud.com/beck_anne-user-606680066/news-story-recording-a-first. Last accessed 9th May 2016.
Reference List: (Week 9)
SoundCloud. (2016). News Story Recording: A First Look. Available: https://soundcloud.com/beck_anne-user-606680066/news-story-recording-a-first. Last accessed 9th May 2016.
News Speaker: Good Morning and welcome to Gympie’s local and latest News stories. I’m Mary Smith.
ReplyDeleteYOU WROTE:
Newly elected media adviser, Miss Rebecca Wade has just delivered her first Maiden Speech in parliament today. I’m now here with her, at her local town hall where she is now delivering a public speech that reinforces her key electoral issues.
BETTER AS:
A flood proof Gympie is the aim for newly elected member of parliament Rebecca Wade.
Delivering her maiden speech this morning, Ms Wade said she would be unveiling her draft plans to flood proof Mary Street in weeks ahead.
"Quote from Rebecca" and so on.
**
You've taken the angle where the reporter is live with the politician in the street, but that wouldn't be scripted as such. So, in this case, try to write the story so it would be voiced with vision. For example, you could include a quote from a local or a business owner in support of or against the idea.
Writing more simply will make it MUCH easier to read.
Yes, you do need to slow down. :) Shorter sentences, though, with distinct pauses noted and words underlined for emphasis should help. In the first instance, work on refining the structure of this story. Let me know if you have any questions.
I hope this feedback helps.